I feel extremely Suicidal

I do not know if you all can help me, but I try so hard, and I will never get anywhere.

Stupid People

I think I don't understand people, especially the male people.

They are annoying as fuck and they hurt people's feelings.

Second Vent: Drugs

I want to kill myself.    I think about it everyday, I want to rot in hell.   I want to suffer, in death, and bleed.   My own blood.   I want to stick a knife in my belly like a pig and feel good about it.

But sometimes, I want the nice and easy way out.  I want to swallow all my grammy's pills.  Her pain killers.  She has bottles of the stuff.  Tranquilizers, and I know that if I swallow about thirty of them, I'm six feet deep.

But before I kill myself, I want to kill some others, so I can bring them all down.

Those cheating boys, and those fake friends.  The slut who took him away, and the other slut, and the other slut.  I want to slaughter them all, and torture them, and I'll feel so happy, that it will be a joy to take my life.

I want to kill, so badly, murder, and then suicide.

Weapon of choice for myself, drugs.

First Vent: Sex

When I was a child, I thought I was going to save myself for marriage, I'm 17 right now, I've gotten my cherry popped for 3 whole years now.   Did I like it the first time?  No.  I hated it.  He did everything at once, altogether.  He ate me out to make me comfortable.  Then drilled my pussy, then he fucked my asshole.

I didn't want all in one go, what was he playing at?    We did it on an old couch in his garage, and we didn't use a condom.

Why do men do these things?  I fucking hate them.   Recently my mind has been off men and on to my own sex.  I think I want to experiment, but with who right now?  I like women, their bodies are so beautiful.  I want to know how it is to love a woman. Men don't love, they hurt.  And I hate it. 

Yet, I am addicted to sex, and I have my buddies who I call. No, I haven't turned to a fellow girl yet for love, but I want to.  I want to be penetrated, and made to feel amazing, so the primal take over, and I just want a dick. 

I hate this.  How do I get out of this?

First Post: SCREAM

I noticed that everyone here is venting, so I'm going to do it to. This is my scream, and I wanna do it so loud, that the whole internet hears it.  Are you hearing it? Listen.